New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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