quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
