im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
