May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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