Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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