WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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