don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
