My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
