I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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