Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
