I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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