I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
