wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
