we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
