I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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