Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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