Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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