I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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