You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
