i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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