she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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