Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
