I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
