You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
