TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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