She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
