she woke up with a sticky ear
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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