i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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