Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
