need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
