its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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