Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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