I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
