I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
