I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
whose parrot is this?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
