I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
