Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
