I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
