I bet he comes in French.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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