I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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