Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
