Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
