There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
