Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
