im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
