the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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