I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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