Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
this is an emotional support booty call
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
