Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
