After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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