Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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