Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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