I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
